No more of this, you’ve decided. No longer will there be this tricky and complex system of dependence, no. You think, “Now it will be me, myself and I”. It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve tried and failed this common method. This is your last go at it, and this time it’s for real.
Because you are spinning in a tight circle and you are lost and dizzy and frightened and you just want to walk in a straight line again. You want the old peace of mind, the turn-up-the-radio-and-everything-is-fine sort of comfort. Block it out, block it out. Again and again and again and again.
Wasn’t it simpler then? With less room for doubt and worries? With no more dreams where all the shades were pulled down and the pills were in your hand?
Because that’s what they were, dreams and not nightmares; a need for stability, a violent wish for peace.
But you cannot do this without yourself, without the literal blocking out of all the others. These are the ones who came and went and will come and go again and again and again until it’s even more madness than it is now.
So it must be you, and you alone. Are you willing? Are you able? You seem fearful but capable. You always have.--- 1 year ago --- ---